Special Populations
grief can affect certain people more deeply
Children & Pet Loss
“There is only one smartest dog in the world and every child has it.”
If your child has just lost a beloved pet — or if you are trying to help a child through that loss — you are navigating something that matters far more than it is often given credit for. The death of a family pet is frequently a child’s first real encounter with death, and how it is handled will stay with them. You do not have to have all the answers. You just have to show up, and we can help you understand what that looks like.
Your child’s grief is real
Children naturally form deep, devoted bonds with companion animals. A pet may be a best friend, a confidante, a protector, or something closer to a sibling. When that animal dies, the loss is genuine and significant — and children feel it fully, even when they lack the words or emotional tools to express it. Their grief deserves to be taken seriously, not minimized or managed away.
Children often sense when they are being left out of important conversations, and they notice when the adults around them are in pain. Rather than trying to shield your child from the reality of the loss, consider letting them be part of it — at whatever level is appropriate for their age and temperament. Tears, honest conversations, and quiet moments of shared sadness teach children that grief is a natural, human response to love. That is a gift that will serve them for the rest of their lives.
Meeting your child where they are
Not all children grieve the same way, and age plays a meaningful role in how a child understands and processes death. Very young children — toddlers and preschoolers — may not fully grasp what death means, and may need simple, honest reassurance that the pet is gone and will not be coming back, and that nothing they did or said caused it. Children in the early school years are beginning to understand that death is permanent, but may still carry magical thinking or quiet guilt that needs to be gently addressed. Older children and preteens often respond much the way adults do, and may have questions that seem startlingly direct — answer them honestly, because that honesty builds trust. Teenagers can swing between seeming not to care at all and being completely overwhelmed, sometimes within the same afternoon. Their grief is real either way, and conflict rarely helps. And young adults who were away from home when a pet died may carry their own particular grief — guilt about having left, sadness at not being able to say goodbye, or a sense of loss that catches them off guard.
Whatever your child’s age, what they need most from you is presence, honesty, and permission to feel what they feel.
Questions they may ask
Children will ask questions — sometimes ones that are hard to answer. Why did they die? Where did they go? Will we see them again? Are they with God? These questions deserve honest, age-appropriate responses grounded in your own beliefs and values. It is completely okay to say that you are not sure, or that different people believe different things. What matters most is that your child feels safe asking, and that they see you taking their questions seriously. It is also okay — and often healing — to cry together. Tears are not something to hide from children. They are something to share.
Remembering together
Children, like adults, benefit from having somewhere to put their love after a pet is gone. Encouraging your child to draw pictures of their pet, create a scrapbook of photos and memories, or write something down gives their grief a tangible place to live. If there are burial or memorial arrangements, consider including your child in whatever way feels right — being part of saying goodbye can bring a real sense of closure. Planting something living in memory of the pet, lighting a candle on an anniversary, or placing a memorial online together are all ways of honoring the bond and teaching your child that love does not simply end when a life does.
Letting others help
When a child is grieving, it helps to let the other caring adults in their life know. Teachers and childcare providers are well-positioned to notice changes — in attention, appetite, sleep, mood, or behavior — that may signal your child needs more support. A compassionate teacher may even make space for a classroom conversation about the loss of a pet, which can be meaningful for children who feel alone in what they are going through.
If you are also grieving — and you likely are — please give yourself permission to seek support too. You cannot pour from an empty place, and your child will take their cues from you. When they see you grieve honestly and recover gradually, they learn something true and important about what it means to love and to lose.
Books that can help
Sometimes the right words are already written — and for children, a carefully chosen book can open doors that conversation alone cannot. Reading together about the loss of a pet gives children a way to see their own feelings reflected, to ask questions in a gentler context, and to feel less alone in what they are going through. APLB has curated a list of children’s books about pet loss on our Recommended Reading page — titles chosen with care for different ages and circumstances. Reading one together may be one of the most comforting things you and your child can do.
You belong here
APLB exists for every kind of loss, including the losses that happen in families, and the losses that shape children into the people they will become. Whether you are a parent trying to guide a young child through their first encounter with death, or someone who lost a cherished pet in childhood and never quite had the space to grieve it — this community is here for you. No judgment. No timeline. Just people who understand.
Seniors and Pet Loss
If you are an older adult who has lost a beloved pet, or if you love someone who has, please know this: what you are feeling is completely real, completely valid, and deeply understood here.
For many seniors, a companion animal is the heartbeat of daily life. They are there in the quiet of the morning, the long afternoons, and the stillness of the night. They listen without judgment, love without condition, and ask for nothing more than your presence. When friends and family visits become less frequent, and when the world grows a little smaller with age, a pet often becomes the most important relationship in a person’s life. Dr. Wallace Sife, founder of APLB and author of The Loss of a Pet, understood this deeply — and he wrote about it with great care and compassion.
Your grief makes complete sense
When a beloved pet dies, the loss can feel overwhelming in ways that are hard to put into words — and hard for others to understand. For older adults, that grief often cuts even deeper. The death of a cherished companion can stir feelings about your own mortality, your own sense of purpose, and the life you have shared together. It can make the world feel profoundly empty in a way that those around you may not fully grasp.
And sadly, too many seniors suffer through that grief quietly and alone. Whether out of pride, or simply because no one around them seems to truly understand, they keep their pain hidden. If that sounds like you, please hear this: you do not have to carry this alone. Your grief deserves to be seen.
When caring became harder
Many older pet owners walk a difficult road in their pet’s final chapter — one where their own health or physical limitations make caregiving increasingly challenging. If you found yourself needing help caring for your pet, or if someone else had to step in, you may be carrying feelings of guilt or failure on top of your grief. Dr. Sife acknowledged how painful that experience is. Needing help was not a failure. It was a testament to how seriously you took your love and responsibility — and how much you cared.
When the grief feels like too much
For those who lived alone with their pet, or who had come to rely on their companion animal as their primary source of comfort and connection, the loss can sometimes feel unsurvivable. This is especially true for those who may have already lost a spouse or close friends, and whose pet had quietly become the center of their emotional world. If you find yourself struggling to get through each day, please reach out. That kind of grief deserves real support — not just time.
Thinking about another pet?
This is a question many seniors wrestle with, and there is no single right answer. Some worry about whether it is fair to take on a new pet given their age or health. Those concerns are understandable and worth honoring. If getting another companion animal feels like too much, there are gentler ways to stay connected to the joy that animals bring — pet-sitting for a neighbor, spending time with a friend’s pet, or simply knowing that door is not closed forever. And if you do feel ready to open your heart again, that is a beautiful thing too.
Planning ahead for you and your pet
One of the most loving things you can do for a pet is to make sure they are cared for no matter what the future holds. Yet for many older adults, planning for what happens to a beloved companion in the event of hospitalization, a move to a care facility, or death is something that gets put off — often because it touches on difficult subjects that none of us find easy to think about.
APLB has made available a free, practical guide called You, Your Pet, and the Future, written specifically for older adults in the US and Canada — and for the family members and friends who care about them. It covers the everyday challenges seniors face as pet owners, how to plan for emergencies, the legal options available for protecting your pet’s future, navigating pet-friendly senior housing, pets and cognitive decline, and much more. It also includes a straightforward planning checklist you can begin working through today, at no cost and with no legal complexity required.
You can download the guide here — free of charge, and no account needed.
Books that may bring comfort
Sometimes the most healing thing is simply knowing that someone else has understood — and put it into words. APLB has curated a selection of books on pet loss and grief on our Recommended Reading page — chosen with care for adults navigating this kind of loss. Whether you are looking for something that validates what you are feeling, helps you understand your grief more deeply, or simply keeps you company in the quiet hours, you may find exactly what you need there.
You belong here
APLB was built for people exactly like you. Whether you are in the early shock of loss or still carrying grief from years ago, our community is here — without judgment, without time limits, and without anyone telling you that you should be over it by now. Please join us. You deserve support, and you deserve to be understood.
Singles and Childless Couples: When a Pet Is Your Family
If you are single, or part of a couple without children, and you have lost a beloved pet, you may already know that the grief you are carrying is deeper than most people around you seem to understand. You may have been told — directly or indirectly — that it was “just a pet.” You may have felt the sting of others not quite grasping why you are so devastated. What you are feeling makes complete sense, and you deserve to have it understood.
Your pet was your family
Our society is changing in profound ways. More people than ever are living alone, or as couples without children. And it is no coincidence that these are often the very people who form the deepest, most devoted bonds with their companion animals. When there is no spouse coming home, no children filling the house with noise and life, a pet steps into that space completely — and they do it with a love that is unconditional, consistent, and utterly without judgment.
Your pet was not a substitute for something missing. They were something real and irreplaceable in their own right — your closest companion, your daily routine, your reason to come home. For singles and childless couples especially, a pet is often so much more than an animal in the house. They are a surrogate child, a confidante, a soul mate. That is not an exaggeration. It is simply the truth of what that relationship becomes.
A bond unlike any other
One of the most important things to understand about the human-pet bond is the unique intimacy it holds — and how it often surpasses even our closest human relationships in certain ways. We share things with our pets that we would never say out loud to another person. We are never judged by them, never criticized, never compared. They know our moods before we do. They offer a kind of love that is pure and unconditional in a way that is genuinely rare in this world.
For people without a partner or children, this bond is even more central. Your pet may have been the one living being who truly knew you — the real you, the one you don’t always show the world. When that is gone, the loss is not just emotional. It can feel like a loss of self.
Why others don’t always understand
Here is something important to know: the depth of your grief is not a sign that something is wrong with you. It is a sign of how deeply you loved, and how much that relationship meant. But because our culture has been slow to recognize pet loss as legitimate grief — and even slower to understand how central a pet can be for someone living alone or without children — you may find yourself surrounded by people who, however well-meaning, simply do not get it.
Singles and those without children are particularly vulnerable to feeling isolated in their grief, because the very thing that made the loss so devastating — the centrality of the pet in their lives — is the same thing others may quietly judge or dismiss. You deserve better than that. Your grief is real. Your loss is real. And you should never have to justify or minimize it.
When the grief feels overwhelming
When a pet is the primary — or even sole — source of daily love and connection in someone’s life, their death can feel unsurvivable. The emotional world that was built around that relationship suddenly has no center. The silence in the home is not just quiet — it is enormous.
If you are in that place right now, please know that what you are feeling is understood here. This kind of grief can be every bit as destabilizing as the loss of a human loved one, and it deserves the same level of care and support. Reaching out — to a counselor, a support group, or this community — is not weakness. It is exactly the right thing to do.
For couples who grieve differently
If you lost your pet as a couple, you may be discovering that you and your partner are grieving in very different ways, on very different timelines. One of you may want to talk about it constantly. The other may go quiet. One may be ready to consider getting another pet long before the other is. Grief is deeply personal, and even two people who shared the same beloved animal can experience their loss in ways that feel worlds apart. Be patient with each other. Give each other room. And try not to let the grief become a source of distance between you, when it could instead become a place of deeper understanding.
Books that understand
When the people around you don’t quite grasp the depth of what you are going through, sometimes a book can. APLB has curated a selection of reading on our Recommended Reading page that includes self-help titles chosen specifically for people navigating profound grief and loss. Whether you are looking for something that helps you process what you are feeling, rebuild a sense of purpose, or simply remind you that you are not alone in this — you may find exactly what you need there.
You are not alone here
APLB exists because people who loved a pet the way you did need a place where that love is honored, not explained away. Whether you are in the raw early days of loss or still carrying grief that others expect you to be “over” by now, this community is here for you. No judgment. No timeline. Just people who truly understand.
Losing a Service Animal: A Grief Beyond Words
If you have lost a service animal, you already know that what you are experiencing goes far beyond what most people around you can comprehend. You may be hearing well-meaning but deeply inadequate things — that you will get a new dog, that at least you had such a wonderful companion for so long, that you will be okay. And while those words come from a good place, they likely feel hollow, because they do not begin to touch the reality of what you have lost.
The loss of a service animal is not simply the loss of a beloved pet. It is something profoundly different, and it deserves to be understood and honored as such.
A bond unlike any other
The relationship between a person with a disability and their service animal is uniquely intimate in ways that even the deepest human-pet bond may not fully capture. Your service animal did not just share your life — they enabled your life. They were the reason you could move through the world with confidence, independence, and dignity. Your sense of self, your identity, and your daily functioning were interwoven with their presence in a way that is almost impossible to put into words to someone who hasn’t lived it.
Your service animal was your partner in the truest sense. They were trained for you, attuned to you, and devoted to you in ways that went far beyond loyalty. They knew your needs before you voiced them. They gave you back a piece of the world that disability had made harder to reach. That is not something that can be understood from the outside, and it is not something that simply gets “replaced.”
The grief no one prepares you for
One of the most painful realities of this kind of loss is that there is often no real space for mourning. The practical necessity of obtaining a new animal can feel immediate and urgent — your daily functioning may depend on it. And yet the grief is enormous. The loss is enormous. The world expects you to move forward quickly, practically, logically — while inside, you are devastated.
This is one of the cruelest aspects of this particular loss. The very urgency of your practical needs can make others — and perhaps even you — feel that grief is a luxury you cannot afford right now. But grief is not a luxury. It is a natural, necessary, and deeply human response to losing someone you loved and depended on with your whole life. You deserve to feel it, to name it, and to have it witnessed.
When loss means losing independence too
For many people with disabilities, the death of a service animal is not only the loss of a beloved companion — it is also, at least temporarily, the loss of independence itself. Abilities and freedoms that your service animal made possible may suddenly feel out of reach. That is a compounded grief that very few people in your life may fully understand, and it adds a layer to your bereavement that goes beyond what most pet loss support resources are designed to address.
This gap is something APLB takes seriously. You should never have to diminish what you are going through in order to fit into a support space that was not built with you in mind.
Your grief is valid — all of it
You may find yourself grieving on multiple levels at once — mourning your companion, grieving your independence, perhaps feeling anxious about what comes next, and possibly feeling guilt about needing to move forward with a new animal when the grief for the one you lost is still so raw. All of these feelings make complete sense. None of them cancel each other out, and none of them mean you are doing this wrong.
The bond between a person and their service animal is, almost by definition, one of the most profound bonds possible between a human and an animal. It is woven into identity, daily life, and the very sense of self in a way that few other relationships are. The grief that follows is proportionate to that love. It is real, it is serious, and it deserves real, serious support.
A word about getting a new service animal
When the time comes to work with a new animal — whether that is soon out of necessity or further down the road — please know that needing a new partner does not mean you have moved on from the one you lost. It does not mean you have stopped grieving, stopped loving, or let go. You can hold your grief and your gratitude for the animal you lost while also opening your life to a new companion. Those two things are not in conflict. They are both expressions of the same love.
Hotlines that can help
If you are in crisis or simply need to hear a compassionate voice, these university-based pet loss support hotlines are free and staffed by trained volunteers. All times are Eastern.
- Cornell University Pet Loss Support Hotline — (607) 218-7457 | Monday–Thursday and Saturday, 6:00–9:00 PM
- Michigan State University Pet Loss Support Hotline — (517) 432-2696 | Tuesday–Thursday, 6:30–9:30 PM
- Tufts University Pet Loss Support Hotline — (508) 839-7966 | Monday–Thursday, 6:00–9:00 PM (24-hour voicemail available)
- Virginia-Maryland Regional College of Veterinary Medicine — (540) 231-8038 | Tuesday and Thursday, 6:00–9:00 PM
If you call outside of staffed hours, most of these hotlines accept voicemail and will return your call during their next shift. You do not have to wait until you are in crisis to reach out — these volunteers are there for any stage of grief.
You belong here
APLB was founded on the belief that no one should have to grieve alone, and that no loss is too complicated, too layered, or too misunderstood to deserve compassionate support. If you have lost a service animal, that belief applies to you — perhaps especially to you. Our community, our chat rooms, and our counselors are here, and we understand that what you are carrying is extraordinary.
You do not have to explain yourself here. You do not have to justify the depth of your grief. You only have to show up, and we will meet you there.
You are welcome here
Whatever brings you to this page — whether you are a parent helping a child through their first loss, an older adult grieving a companion who meant the world to you, someone who lived alone with a pet who was your entire family, a person with a disability who has lost a partner in the truest sense of the word, or simply someone who loved an animal deeply and is hurting — you belong in this community.
APLB’s free chat room is open to everyone. It is a place where people who truly understand pet loss come together — without judgment, without time limits, and without anyone suggesting that what you are feeling is an overreaction. Whether you are in the raw early hours of loss or still carrying grief that others expect you to be over by now, there is always someone there who gets it.
We invite you to join us.
